What to do? How much to do? How soon to do it? Your spouse/partner will likely lead you in this area. Sometimes his needs will be obvious, other times they will surface in a family meeting or in conversations. Your responsiveness will depend on your own individuality. Are you a doer or a listener? You can help your spouse/partner in either way. Ask yourself ahead of time what you want to do.

If you’re a doer, make lists of things that need to be done. If your spouse/partner is concerned about telling his boss, help him formulate what he will say, and encourage him to have that conversation. If he needs help at home, either fill in by doing chores yourself, enlisting your children or finding someone outside the family who can help out. Your local church, synagogue, or community center may already have a group in place for situations just like this. If you need cooking or cleaning help, there are organizations that make referrals. Or you can enlist the help of an extended family member. If you are friendly with some of your spouse’s/partner’s friends, perhaps you can enlist their help, too.

The physical side of cancer can be very draining, for your spouse/partner, as well as for you. Add to that your work and child-care responsibilities, and there may be little energy left to support your spouse/partner emotionally. Everyone in a family is challenged by cancer, and needs the support of others. You are no exception!